I’ve recently had the desire to revive my blogging (not for the first time), and what better way to do that than to write a end-of-year reflection post. So here goes.
- Doing what you love
This year, I finally ended my work with the Singapore government at SPRING, where I spent the better part of about 2 years. So I’m glad I’m now doing my Masters at King’s, thinking about precisely the issues of political economy and philosophy that started capturing my imagination during my time in NUS. I see it as a stepping stone to continue with my PHD after next year; surely a difficult task, but the right one.
Through my time with the government, and moving over to London, the well worn cliche of “doing what you love”, nonetheless resonated very clearly. I realise that having an understanding of who you are, and what you’re meant to do, is absolutely essential for all kinds of happiness, your peace of mind, and just going through dark days. It’s been rightly said before that having a sense of “why” in your life, helps overcome the “hows” i.e. confusion, uncertainty, adversity. It was much easier for me just to stay behind in Singapore, either get promoted eventually or find a better job. But just going off like that, alone for who-knows-how-long? If not for the overriding passion, I would be freaked out by this already.
However, it’s clear that most people don’t really have a clear and strong sense of their purpose. That’s unfortunate. But it’s asked: how do you really know what your “calling” is? For me it certainly wasn’t some burning bush experience. It was just a process of being honest with myself. I just reflected on my strengths and inclinations, which most of us do for sure, except that I wanted to scale this up to the largest possible degree, i.e. for me to be the best version of myself. I surmised that I liked ideas, talking about and teaching them, and being a romantic at heart, what better way to do this than to become an academic and apply myself to change things?
Knowing what you want to do is one thing, but how can these goals, especially if they’re lofty ones, be achieved? Mine certainly isn’t a cakewalk, but I thought to myself, hey, if there’s one mountain to climb and die on (even if the peak isn’t reached), it would be this one. I would be satisfied just knowing I tried.
So for whoever’s reading this, you should remember this cliche again. You need to listen to yourself, your heart probably already knows. You just need to tune out from the distractions and tune inwards.
2) Saying no to get something bigger
Sometime before I moved to London, I was in this big dilemma about whether to take up a certain scholarship that was offered to me. The problem was this: taking this up, would on one hand, mean that all my tuition fees would be paid, but mean that I would have to return to Singapore for two years after and remain there. Doesn’t sound like a bad thing, except that returning to Singapore would mean I can’t continue my PHD here in London.
So I eventually turned it down. And saying no to that big sum of money (and the ego-gratifying feeling of attending those swanky award ceremonies) wasn’t easy, but it was a justified risk at the time. This brings me back to the earlier point above: letting go of that comfortable security for what you know is right, but uncertain.
Isaiah Hankel in “Black Hole Focus”, tells us to be strategists and not sheeps. Sheeps follow life’s lead, and run after whatever carrots are dangling in front, and run away from the sticks they face. They run around but go nowhere in the end. Strategists begin with the end in mind, then ruthlessly navigate the shortest path to it. Put in such terms, hey, how can I allow myself to be a sheep right?
3) Letting go of the past, and certain people
Spent a lot of time this year thinking about the past, and the people I used to know and was close with. I realised somehow even though these people are gone, a part of me was still living for them, wanting their approval.
How unhealthy this is. So I made a decision to let go, and what better way to do it than to delete a lot of old photos and individuals from social media. It was very liberating when I did it, it’s like pulling out a bad tooth you grew too comfortable with. Nonetheless you are the people you associate with, so you can’t shortchange yourself.
4) Finding your tribe
Now this is a very important one. Life gets better when you find your tribe where you belong, where people speak the same language as you do, and like what you like.
Several things this year helped. Attended the Liberty Forum in KL in February and met great people. Later in the year, I also got to gather the libertarians that I know in Singapore and we set up the Libertarian Society of Singapore (I have great hopes for it in the next year).
Had some great travels this year as well. Of course nothing can beat my roadtrip in June in Germany. Bruh if you’re reading this, I luv ya. 🙂